Hello Fathers and Dads of our families - I am Blu and I am inspired to share some ideas on improving your lives. Of course as a parent you know what's best for your children, and these are some helpful reminders when our lives get busy. I share stories and having worked many years with teenagers and parents, I write for you. Kindly sign up with your email to get updates on how to work with your children and teens. If you would leave a note for me in comments, I would greatly appreciate it. Please share with me your stories, and what you need more of. Be well and take good care of yourselves.
So we talked about how busy your daily life can be running around and some things you can try with your kids. The next thing that's so important, but you probably haven't thought of is kind of traditional, but it's going to help you and them in the long run. And that's giving your son or daughter more responsibilities around the house, whether it's cleaning their room, helping with laundry, loading the dishwasher or even your older teenager watching the younger sibling and helping them with homework. You can even add in washing the car or going to the grocery story, the list of to-dos is endless. If you give your kids a task, you won't always be doing things for them. And as a result, they become more self-reliant and less dependent on you. You do want to try even though they may resist you, because giving them some responsibilities or jobs around the house, builds character. And they will question you, and with kids, remember, they are kids, you don't have to answer them. You don't have to explain why you are asking them to do something. This is where discipline and organization comes into play. I know kids and teens will repeat themselves to get you to say yes to whatever it is they want, and this is where you have to ignore them. They, however, need to follow and listen to you. Remember what we said in the first article, if you say "yes" to everything they ask for, why should they work for it? And this goes along with getting good grades, new clothes, money to spend, an allowance, etc. Of course, you can give them an allowance down the road, but when you first begin to show them a routine of duties or jobs for helping out, set it as a house rule. Also make sure your wife or girlfriend is consistent with you on setting this house rule. I've seen the kids play one parent against the other because they adults were not together on things. It wouldn't be a bad idea to have weekly house meetings or every two weeks.
Teenagers and younger kids should get into the habit of not always doing something for a reward in return. Because then they'll always ask you for something in return. Now I know this may go against what you believe and actually do in the house, but studies show that children become more independent when parents allow for moments like this one. If you have more than one child, you can break up and/or rotate the jobs around the house (vacuuming, mopping floors, even cleaning the dishes, etc.). If you haven't set up a system yet, don't worry, kids are adaptable and can only do what you allow them to do.
I would create a Google Docs spreadsheet of a list of jobs with all of the kid's names on there and the days of the week to organize who has a specific task during the week. Work with your wife to organize this list, and then you can think about giving the kids options on the chores they would like to do. This ensures they feel as though they have options.
Again, you'd be surprised how much more they will be ready for the world from this kind of practice at home. They will be able to take better care of themselves when they go to college and or move out on their own sooner. They won't have to constantly depend on you buying things for them and taking care of them all the time. They'll be able to get a job and earn money to pay for their necessities. And, honestly, the ultimate goal is for you not to have to worry about them as they become adults. You don't want to coddle them because it doesn't help them to take care of themselves. And I think the best legacy one can leave their children, is the ability to survive in the world without them. Now I know, you grew up with a lot less, and you vowed to give your children what you didn't have. However, that is something inside you that you may need to work on. Teenagers and younger children know full well how to over consume or over use video games, screen time, snacks and other extracurricular activities, etc.
Which brings me to my other topic about part time work during the school year. Once your son/daughter reaches 15 or 16 years old, they can also try to work part-time for 10 hours a week and 15 for weekends included. Of course, this is provided that their studies do not decline when they have this part-time work. Now I know this may also not be something you are considering because you probably can afford to pay for things your children need. The idea here, though, is showing them the value of a hard-earned dollar, and sharing with them how to save 20% of the money they make from each paycheck. In turn, showing them also how to budget themselves and their checkbook. Your kids will thank you one day when they have that dream career and can manage themselves at 21 years old.
